I hope that I never ever ever ever EVER take for granted a scene like the one above, which I snapped yesterday because I am still feeling the newness of having my husband back. The husband who hops on his tractor when it snows and plows the driveways of anyone who might need it. The husband who is the perpetual good samaritan. I hope it always feels new and amazing and miraculous and beautiful…because really, that’s how we should always look at the people that we love. I’ve got the lovesickness BIG TIME for this man, though….if you ever want to see a girl who doesn’t cry much anymore shed big huge tears, ask me to tell you about my husband….it will get me every time….because of that long stretch when I DIDN’T have him anymore.
Last night we went to visit my niece in the hospital after she had just had her cutie little baby boy. I am very close to my nieces…so when they have kids…it’s the closest thing to being a grandparent that we have experienced I think….when I looked across the room at Marq….holding that baby………….my heart melted. He is very much known in all of the world as the “baby whisperer” so I see him holding babies a lot…but something came over me last night when I realized that we really were going to be grandparents someday…together…that we made it……….
It is a miracle that we made it. It really is. It will always be a miracle. It is a miracle that grows every day…….love is a miracle. Family is a miracle. I hope that I will never take these words for granted. Being without them and then being with them again…………..a miracle.
This is Marq Ross bringing me a cup of tea at Brave Girl Camp in May of 2010. He is the love of my life. He is my hero. He is my friend….my very best and most loyal friend. He is my companion and partner. He is my greatest teacher. He is my champion. He is my miracle.
I am recycling my miracle post from last year…I hope that’s ok. I know it’s long. If you are in a tough place in a relationship…especially a marriage….trying hard to hold on…I hope you will read it. I hope you will search your heart and fight for true love for as long as it takes.
Originally posted on my personal blog December of 2009:
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. If you add in a head-injury, a traumatic brain injury to be exact….it goes up to somewhere around 75-85% (I have been told all sorts of different statistics). Tell me it’s not a miracle that in 2010, we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Sure, 5 years of those 20 were pure, torturous hell, but, we made it through that part. I can finally say we are on the other side of that horrible ordeal…..the biggest miracle of THIS YEAR.
On March 29, 2009……..My Marq picked up and pretty jubilantly rattled the contents of his translucent brownish-orange prescription bottle, then poured out one last pill….and swallowed it. And that was the end of that part of things……we never, ever thought he would finally take his last pill. The huge pile of pills were the only thing that kept things at least slightly stable….kept the rages at bay for the most part, the suicidal thoughts and plans manageable, the depression at least numbed a bit…the sleep constant….the moods hilly instead of mountainy….they kept his body alive and at least kept him from remembering or feeling what his life had become.
But on March 29 he swallowed the last one….because it was time….
I wasn’t even home that day. I didn’t even know that he was that close to being done with his meds, it was so scary for me that he was actually going to stop taking them, that he really didn’t talk to me much about it, just to his doctors. The last pill day was actually his 41st Birthday and I was in Los Angeles…..a story I will tell you a bit later, because that week held all sorts of surprises…….but over the greater part of the last 5 years, the pills were more numerous than I wish to remember, and the different drugs that we tried and failed were a pile of expensive bullies that just made things harder in most cases. I never thought the last pill day would ever come….but it did.
I have to say that I think it is very merciful that we can not see into the future……I think sometimes we think we want to know what is going to happen, but so many times we would be so absolutely overwhelmed with what is ahead for us that we probably would give up. In Autumn of 2004, it had been a few months since Marq’s accident, and he still was just not feeling well, and just “off”…not himself. I kept telling myself that it would be just a few more weeks and he would be back to normal, I kept telling him that too…to just hold on…and I really believed it…..I would have my husband…my rock, my hero, my business partner, my parenting partner and my best friend. We could make it a few more weeks…..we had been married just a little more than 14 years at that time….our kids were 13, 11, 8, 3 and 2. Here’s a photo of our family just about a year before it happened…..
So we got through that first 6 weeks and things were not getting better. Little did I know….little did HE know…that the bad part hadn’t even started yet……that it would be a steady decline down into the darkest most hellish place imaginable….and that soon, we would not even recognize him, he would not recognize himself….that our marriage….our friendship…..our dad…..would only be a memory.
I remember talking to Marq’s doctors in the beginning…and asking them what was going to happen, when he would be better….and they would just give me the saddest, most pitiful looks…….and most often would say….”it could b 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years…..we just never know with brain injuries”
Well, I believed FOR SURE-FOR SURE-FOR SURE that we would be the 6-weeks case. I KNEW that with all of the good things that Marq constantly did in the world for others, for our family…that there’s NO WAY that a loving and kind God would let this last more than 6 weeks……so I buckled down and prepared myself for a long 6 weeks.
6 weeks went by…….things still got worse….6 months went by….even worse……a year…….
The path was confusing and horrible. It started with debilitating headaches and exhaustion. (Did I tell you this was from a surfing accident? But…a long string of concussions over the years from all of his extreme sports totally magnified the problem) He was in bed for weeks at a time. He hardly ate. He was so drugged up that he really couldn’t carry on a conversation. After about 60 days, when the headaches were managed, but he was still drugged-up, I started to notice little personality changes. He just was not himself………I attributed it to the drugs. At this time, we had a big, successful business….so I balanced my time between running the business and running home to be with him and our 5 children. He had been the stability and rock in our business and our home…the analytical one who made sure everything was meticulously planned, that everyone was safe, that everyone knew what their part was….that everything would be ok. The chaos that ensued in my brain was indescribable……Thank goodness we had amazing, wonderful, loving babysitters at home helping all day…….Marq just stayed upstairs in our bedroom….so unlike him….you see, he is the hardest working man you will ever meet in your entire life….so full of life and passion and enthusiasm….BOUNDLESS, unbelievable energy…..the BIGGEST LOVE for others I have ever seen in a man…..and he would hardly get out of bed.
Then the rages started…and the depression. He was INCREDIBLY negative. Mean. Nothing made him happy. He would not look at me…he didn’t want to see the kids. Every day he slipped into a deeper, darker hole. He didn’t want to wear the same clothes….he didn’t want to see his friends…..when he was awake he stomped around, so angry. (I do want you to know that he never, ever ever took any of this rage out on me or his children. He knew he could not control it….so he pretty much just stayed away from us……..and from almost everyone else.)
More months went by…..he spent more days in a row in bed. He talked less when he was out of bed…..he had a constant scowl on his face….EVERYTHING made him angry. He was scary……he looked different….his face had changed and his posture had changed…even his voice seemed to have changed….it was honestly like our kind and fun dad had died and someone else was living in his body.
SO MUCH HAPPENED during those years…….all around us…too much to mention…..but, he just stayed upstairs in that room….sometimes came downstairs and went out to his workshop to try to weld something, or build something….he would get so frustrated that he would just go back to bed….years and years like that…..YEARS……..years are long like that….they stretch and pull and spread like they are eternal.
I will get to this phrase “PLEASE STAY WITH ME” in just a bit…..I guess I need to tell you that in 2000, we bought a 100 year old farm…..the house of my dreams….I would put up a photo here….but I’d have to go look for it because it’s just too hard for me to keep photos of that place around……because we don’t live there anymore……BUT….Marq and I had spent almost an entire year renovating it before we moved in……..he would work looong days outside, turning the side pasture into a huge, beautiful yard for the kids….then work inside….fixing things up…..it was beautiful and perfect and custom made just for us, for our family…it was our home and everything was planned so that someday our grandchildren would visit us there…..and we would rock them to sleep on the porch…..a gorgeous old stone house with a big porch and small, cozy rooms and beadboard everywhere and bright colors painted on the walls…..more than 25 old trees on the place……hay fields and a couple of old barns….I gotta stop talking about it…that part still rips my heart out.
But…that’s where all of this happened…so you can imagine what happens to 7 acres when the man of the house is down in bed for years………our oldest son tried so hard to keep the place up….but he was really just a boy then. Ultimately……..through a long string of really yucky things….we lost the farm.
But before that all happened he laid in our bed…the pencil post bed that we set up together in that upstairs room…the coolest part of the house where the entire upstairs was the master bedroom….lined with old 12-panel dormer windows….so full of light….such a happy little room before it all happened.
So….back to STAY WITH ME.
People ask me all the time how we stayed married through this. People asked even more DURING it. The doctors would even ask. Some of the doctors would sit me down after it had been years and tell me that it would be ok if I couldn’t keep going…..that things might not ever go back to how they used to be…when they would see what our marriage had become, or how the old Marq was gone and this new guy was miles past difficult and angry and withdrawn. Most of them didn’t even know the old Marq….if they would have, they never would have suggested to me that it was ok to leave……
What people didn’t know was what would happen when I would think about leaving…..because I will be honest…I did. This time was no picnic…..so, sure…there were sometimes really bleak “what if” thoughts……….but, I want to tell you about a very short little conversation that happened enough times that I was able to endure it……..
I don’t know how many millions of tears I used to cry…………but, it was a lot. I most often cried upstairs in my closet….where my kids couldn’t see me, where Marq couldn’t hear me from the bed. I would go in my closet and just kneel down and sob and sob and sob. I was so angry at God for lots of those years….but I still talked to Him. He was still very kind……over those years, I really did learn that He knew and understood and knelt right there beside me…..but, I still was angry and confused and felt very abandoned. I would stand in the shower, with it on full blast…..and that’s when I would really sob……..let the sound of the water drone out my sobs….let it all wash down the drain…..then….I would get dressed…………and so often….so very very often, I would come out of the bathroom, where my closet was too….and he would still be there lying in that bed, sleeping…..
and so often……I would tip toe over there and kneel down next to him and cry really silent tears……….and I would stay sometimes for a few seconds and sometimes for a few minutes…sometimes for a long time. Sometimes I would gently put my hand on top of his, or try to fit my hand under his. I would just look at him……and remember…remember the promises and the kindness and the amazing years we had lived together so far…………..and I always thought that he didn’t even know I was there….his eyes were closed…he wasn’t moving at all…..in most cases….it would have been days since he even spoke a word to me…..but SO MANY OF THOSE TIMES, when I would start to stand back up and leave…..his hand would quickly grab my arm….or my hand…..and he would just say….
“Please stay with me”
Now at the time…it was confusing because it never seemed like he wanted me around…or that he even noticed that I was around…but when he would say this…I knew that there were deep parts of him still there, covered up and held hostage by the war that his brain chemicals were waging with him. So, I would stay there, beside him, just a little bit longer…or I would crawl up on the bed and lay next to him…………and, it made things feel worse sometimes….those reminders of what we used to be together……and he wouldn’t say another word….it didn’t lead to a conversation, it didn’t really lead to anything….and then more days would go by without him looking at me or talking to me…….but I would remember those words “Please stay with me”
And I would research and research and research ways to help him…..and take him to his doctors….and look at old pictures…..and listen to music that spoke to me…………
“Please stay with me….”
It’s really the only thing he ever asked of me during those years……..and kneeling or laying beside him was the small thing….but, I don’t know that it’s really what he meant………the bigger meaning was to stay through the next years, through the next rage….stay with me while I figure this out….stay with me while I am crazy and mean and psycho….when I’m not myself….please just stay with me.
There was another conversation that happened on a day when he was coherent and up and awake………one of the WORST parts of the ordeal were the “normal” days…they were like mean tricks and they would show up with no warning and end in the biggest, longest, worst crash….sometimes they would last for days in a row…sometimes for a few hours….but it’s like the clouds would clear in a little hole of a storm…and the sun would shine for bit…and my old husband would be back…or really clear glimpses of him………and I would rush to get as much information out of him as possible.
I asked him on one of these days what he was feeling…..I didn’t want to ask….I really didn’t want to know the answer to the question that I NEEDED to know the answer to…but I asked it anyway……..and we just had a really matter-of-fact conversation. I asked him about Me. I asked him why he didn’t see me anymore, why he didn’t look at me……I asked him if he still loved me.
I still hate talking about this…but now that we are on the other side……….it’s ok to talk about. If you could see me right now I am drenched in tears again because I have not talked about this in SUCH a long time……and feeling now that it’s time…these are different tears…………more cleansing tears than bitter tears…and that is good I think.
But…the conversation. I asked him if he still loved me. He said….”I know I should love you, I KNOW I should. I know that’s what I should feel…but I don’t. I don’t feel anything…..” and he grabbed my hand and said “Melly, I am so sorry. I hope I can feel that again someday.”
And then hours or days or whatever…however long that was later…..he was gone in the black hole again…….
and more months and years went by.
Anyone who met Marq this year….or knew him before the accident…this would come as a complete shock. He is the most loving, doting, affectionate, kind, serving, sweet husband. The most patient teacher…the most selfless worker…………..the most loving loving, uncondionally loving human being…But, that left him for those years…..
Here’s what I know. I know he would have done the SAME for me…..HE WOULD HAVE STAYED. I KNOW he wanted me to stay. I KNOW he wanted to get better……….and I KNOW that there were things that happened during those years that were essentially for my personal growth….for his…for our children….for our family as a unit…….there were things that could not have happened any other way.
I could tell you a million things that made it possible for our family to stay together………but it all boiled down to DAILY decisions….just like all difficult things do. Sometimes the decisions were hour by hour….but when life is HELL…..When things are harder than you can imagine…you have to wake up every day and decide, before you even get out of bed, what and who you are going to be today…what voices you will listen to….what path you will choose….. We both had to decide each day that we would do what it takes to stay together…..to keep our family together. We had different battles to fight……..he had to break free from mental hell……he had to keep fighting when he didn’t feel anything but rage and didn’t really even want to be alive. I had to fight to keep my promises…..I had to fight off the loneliness and the confusion and the devastation……………and, I KNEW HE STILL LOVED ME SOMEWHERE IN THERE……
But…..if I died tomorrow….I would forever regret not proclaiming what the REAL miracle was….all along. I am not one to preach or to be a religious fanatic…….but there is NO WAY, ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that things would have turned out the way they did without many many many hundreds, thousands of prayers, and the FAITH that we worked really hard to cling to….and the faith and prayers of family and friends and strangers….we simply would NOT have survived this without God there…..without the healing influence that overcomes you when you find that all you have left in the entire world is the love that God feels for you…the way that He knows you….the way He knows what you are capable of…how you feel, what is ahead for you, what you need to be able to keep going. When my husband could not feel love for his wife…me…………my heart was so broken…..so I took it to God…I remember saying the same thing over and over to Him…”Please show me who I am to YOU….please help me understand…….please heal this up…..” and He did…EVERY DAY…every time I asked…even when I was bawling Him out for letting this happen to us….He just kept comforting me….. ….and that’s how I stayed….and that’s how Marq stayed alive and fighting……because we stayed next to God…..honestly….and as always….God never left us for a second. Five years is a very long time….and at the same time…five years isn’t very long at all.
We are doing awesome. We are happy most days. We have PEACE…………
One of the other things I used to pray…..words I would say….”I will give up EVERYTHING if you just give me my husband back….”
Well…guess what? God took me up on that offer……………the next miracles I will talk about concern the other things that happened this year…..losing pretty much every material thing we ever worked for………but, finding EVERYTHING we ever needed.
The above post was originally posted in December of 2009 on my personal blog at
http://melodyross.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/12/miracle-1-we-made-it-through.html
p.s……wanted you to know that KATHY is the grandma of the baby that Marq and I were holding at the top of the post. WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS WHEN THEY ARE A GRANDMA????
wow. this is what truly living life is all about.
Melody, I have been through something very similar. Sadly, it did not have as positive an outcome. I am so glad that your husband came back to you and you have your family whole and complete. In my circumstance, my husband died.
God bless you and your family.
I love your story. I loved it when I read it a few years ago and followed you along your journey. But I don’t have ANY belief that it will be my story. BUT you do encourage me to be BRAVE, and to be the best I can be and fight through the pain. Thanks for that…and as I work three jobs, one of which is a new business…I know God is changing ME, which is the best thing, after all. God bless….and hopefully some day we will meet…maybe at Brave Girls Camp 🙂
Thank you
Thankful I am not the only one that cries when they talk about their husband!
Melody. So much respect for you both.
So much respect.
Your story touches us all. xo
Your man is wonderful.
And so are you.
I can not imagine your life not turning out this way. I have known You & Marq for 14 years. He looks at you the same as he did when I first met you. You two are Soul mates & so much more. I’m grateful every day that Heavenly Father healed Marq & that you stayed by his side every part of the way! I Love you both dearly!
xoxoxo
I just love you, and I just love Kathy. the end.
I’m so sorry that you went through this … My heart goes out to you and your family. No wonder you know about being a “Brave Girl”.
You moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing your story.
Melody ,
Our TESTimonies are gems in the crown of life! Thanks for sharing yours. God is strong for us when we are weak, isn’t he so gracious like that – that He cares so much for us – His kids – enough to take time to hold our hearts in his hands and give us to the boost of FAITH we need in times like that. I have had trials in this life, but NONE have won over my faith in God to see me through!
Thanks again for sharing. Let your light shine!
Keesha
I know that place where Marq was intimately, and my dear husband kept saying to me “Mel, this too shall pass- it’s just a small season in our marriage.” It was a 7 year season and as hard as it was we would not change a thing because of the lessons learned and the deepening of our relationship with each other and with God. Thank you for having the courage to share with such depth your experience. I read it outloud amist tears to my husband and I looked up to see him smiling at me with big boy tears streaming down his face too. Good stuff!!
I read this on your blog a long time ago, maybe even when it was posted and I cried–I cried a lot FOR YOU. Now that I know you, I’m still crying but I know that the Melody that I love and the Melody that I have learned so much from, wouldn’t be that Melody without these experiences. You are such an inspiration!!! Love you!
Oh, and congrats to geema!!!
Mel,
It was so good to see you and Marq today. I am so glad you have the love of your life back. You ARE a brave girl!!!! And he is such a brave man. Thanks for telling your story. It is very powerful!
I have followed this story for years and all I have to say is “What a LOVE story” !!! Melody Ross, you are an inspiration! and a “Brave Girl” and “AWESOME” !!! All of this has made you the Melody Ross we have gotten to know and love. Thank you for sharing yourself, your story, your Marq, your kiddos and mostly your LOVE <3
Melody, I remember that exact moment when Marq brought you the tea. I watched you two during the whole camp and admired how much love and respect {and friendship} the two of you shared. I remember him playing with your hair while you talked and the way he looked at you or his face lit up when you entered the room. And it was beautiful to watch you look at him the same way! I noticed all of these moments because I want this so deeply in my own marriage. Being with you and Marq and watching this love unfold has given me renewed hope for my own relationship with my husband. We are not there yet – we are not even close . . . but I still hold out hope every single day and often refer back to you and Marq in my mind when things are tough. You two made it against all odds. I pray that I can make it too! Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal story. It has kept me facing forward every day.
Thank you for re-sharing this miraculous post. Your writing is simply amazing and touching…as a reader your pain rips at my heart!
As I was reading I could hear Shania Twain’s “You’re Still The One” playing in my mind…let the flood gates open….
Blessings Brave Girl….
I wish I could appropriately convey to you what it means to me to read your story…I have been in a “hang on” place for just about 5 years now…the circumstances are different…for my situation its about the choices made for which consequences have come…and hanging on, staying with God, praying and trusting and stepping out into something that I cannot see, feel or fathom has been really hard. But I believe…BELIEVE…that God can and WILL heal things in His timing and in His way and that the amazing parts are yet to come…Your story affirms that it is possible to get “there” from “here.”
everytime I read your story it just melts my heart and makes me realize that we can’t ever give up and that we need to just keep going and trying
Whenever I read your story, it humbles me and reminds me that all the #$%& I’ve gone through over the past couple of years have been *nothing* and that God is so amazing. He really does know just how far to push us to teach us and make us stronger… as long as we don’t give up. Thank you, Melody. I know how difficult this testimony is to share, and you ROCK. Hugs. (AND CONGRATS TO BEAUTIFUL KATHY!)
Melody, I am in my third year of going through something similar enough to what you’ve been through that I feel like you’re writing just for me. I’m still kind of a mess sometimes, but I can feel that we’re on the other side of the worst of it. We’re still together, but it’s been awfully heart-wrenching and harder than anything I ever thought I was capable of handling. I’m so glad you share and write about your’s and Marq’s experiences. It helps more than you probably even could ever imagine. I hope I can meet you someday in person and look into your eyes and tell you thank you. xoxo
Wow, I realy glad you stuck by Marq. Me and my husband had a medical bump in the road and I am so thankful I did not run away, I wanted to but I stayed. Like mark my husband is my world I love him so much but I hated his illness. We just celebrated our 25th annivarsary. But there was 7 years I did not know if I could handle one more straw this camels back was that close to breaking. But like they say God will not give you more than you can carry. 🙂
So thankful that you posted this! It was so timely for me and this is also the first time that I visited. God knew just what I needed. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story, Melody.
Wow. Wow. Melody, we don’t know each other but I have to say I feel like I know you now after reading your heart felt story. I honestly never read peoples blogs but something lead me to your page. I guess sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own life and the dramas that unfold that we forget that there is a God out there that has seen us through it all before. I have had a really rough childhood and have Shinned through it with the lord by my side, a really adult life dealing with some health issues, God blessed me and walked me through that but like you talked about in your story it just seems this time it just seems to never end. This Season in my life I feel like he walks with me no more. I am a dedicated mom and wife. I give my all to my family. I try and live my life as straight as possible but find myself scratching my head trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I did wrong. I’m praying that those missing set of foot means the Lord is carrying me because I need to know in my heart of hearts he still loves me enough to see me through and give me the strength to be a Mom and a Wife. Thank You SO MUCH for sharing such a touching Story, your story. Thank You
Thank you……..all of you, God bless and keep you all, funny so many times I thought I was all alone in my battles, now I know I am not……….I know I was lead here, to Brave Girls, one day while I was on facebook……I am not ready to share my story, although I will say again, Thank you…my heart is lighter today.
Wow. Wow. Melody, we don’t know each other but I have to say I feel like I know you now after reading your heart felt story. I honestly never read peoples blogs but something lead me to your page. I guess sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own life and the dramas that unfold that we forget that there is a God out there that has seen us through it all before. I have had a really rough childhood and have Shinned through it with the lord by my side, a really difficult adult life dealing with some health issues, God blessed me and walked me through that but like you talked about in your story it just seems this time it just seems to never end. This Season in my life I feel like he walks with me no more. I am a dedicated mom and wife. I give my all to my family. I try and live my life as straight as possible but find myself scratching my head trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I did wrong. I’m praying that those missing set of foot prints means the Lord is carrying me because I need to know in my heart of hearts he still loves me enough to see me through and give me the strength to be a Mom and a Wife. Thank You SO MUCH for sharing such a touching Story, your story. Thank You
Thanks for (re)sharing your story.I had to wipe away a few tears while reading when reflecting on similar struggles in my own life. I try to be a brave girl everyday, and you are the sole inspiration for that. Thank you for the daily pick me up.
Thank you for sharing a very difficult chapter in your life. It is very encouraging to hear from someone who has been through such a difficult time and made it through.
I was so touched. I wanted to share the joy of your miracle with my family, and tried to read excerpts of your 2009 post out loud, but just could not get through it. My love for my husband has been challenged through the last few years (4), and I too, have dug deeper into God, and become better for it. My challenges have been nothing next to yours though. The Lord is so good not to give us more than we can handle (even when it feels like too much). You have such a way with words. Thank you for sharing your powerful words with me.
I love this post – I love that we share a deep and honest commitment to marriage and our husbands.
I love that you get teary when you talk about him and gaze adoringly in his direction – just like I do for Larry.
I think it’s AWESOME that you continually talk about it and put it out there in all it’s honesty.
It’s a fantastic give to give others hope about marriage and surviving it’s rocky patches.
I’m so extremely proud of and excited for you that you too have this one bit of certainty in your life – marriage & friendship with the man you love 🙂
Our 20th wedding anniversary is this May, and I am so proud and excited to have gotten there despite many a rough road.
Thank you so much for continuing to share your love story with us!
xox
me
ps – I hope I look as AWESOME as Kathy when I’m a grandma – how HOT is she!
Wow! I know this post from last year is NOT one I can read here at work and will have to read when I get home tonight! Thank you for reminding me Melody of the absolute wonderful and beautiful man I am married to! Some times on those really difficult days, I think of how much better our lives would be if we separated but then I cannot imagine what my life would be like without him!!! You both are soooooo blessed and fortunate to have each other! I fell head over heels in love with Marq myself in October! I tried to bribe him to see if I could send my honey to spend a month with you so some of Marq’s wonderful traits would rub off on my honey bunch! One of the most touching and rememberable moments for me at Brave Girls Camp in October was when Marq came on the bus to say his well wishes and he, well, you know. Who knows, he probably wouldn’t appreciate me mentioning this, but he got a bit choked up and teary-eyed as we were leaving. OMG! That just absolutely tore me up! As if we all weren’t all crying as we were leaving anyways, that just was the icing on the cake! He is such a beautiful person and an almighty man of God and like you, I thank my Lord Jesus Christ for bringing you both in my life and allowing our paths to cross.
I love you Melody and YES, Kathy is one of the absolute most beautiful GRANDMAs I’ve ever seen just like you will be some day!
As always, much love, hugs & prayers coming your way!
Julianne
xoxoxo
P.S.
Protect your beautiful heart for me!
Melody,
I can only pray our story has as happy an ending as yours! THANK YOU!
Sue
Melody,
Thank you for sharing your story. I wonder if these experiences sometimes come our way, in part, to show us the value of the people around us. It’s so easy to look at people who are struggling, especially when they are mean and angry, and write them off as being “less” than those who are nice and peaceful. It’s so difficult for us – all of us – to have any understanding or appreciation of how precious each soul is underneath all the crap life piles on. Through those years that are more horrible than I can imagine, you somehow knew that the Marq you loved was under there somewhere. The blessing and the curse in it was knowing that what you saw was not his true self… maybe we can somehow learn to extend that to the people who pose the greatest challenges for us, the ones we never learned to love in the first place. I believe that all of us have a shining light, the light of God, a light we all share, even if it’s buried deeply under all the shame, guilt, anger, and pain, all the human fallibilities, the illness, the emotions we get trapped in, the dysfunctional patterns… all of us are more precious than we know. I’m so glad to know that your precious Marq has returned to you. God bless.
So many things I would like to say, but can’t. So many hugs I want to give you but Im too far away. I just love you. Deeply love you. As if you were my closest friend or the sister I have never had. Even closer than the relationship I have with my wonderful husband. I feel as if I have known you all my life. I feel as though this deep hurt I have carreid inside of me for so long, could be let out, if I could just talk….. to you. You make me laugh and cry. No one can do that to me, not even my best friend. Sure we laugh, but not at the depth that you make me laugh. And of course we cry, but not the deep in my heart and soul kind of cry that I find myself having after reading your blogs. How is it, I feel so close to someone that I have never met? I don’t understand. Maybe one day I will. I hope that one day will be Feb 2012 at BGC. I have worked hard to be able to come, now Im just waiting….waiting to meet my closest, dearest, most lovely friend…..so we can talk. Thank you Melody, for sharing so much of your life.
someday we will meet and I can’t wait, either, TammY!
Wow, what a gut-wrencher. Yet so important for people to hear, which was perhaps part of the “bigger picture” this whole time. I am so glad things have evolved like they have. And while it saddens me to see that some of your readers are going through tough times, I believe your situation had a purpose – and part of that purpose was so that people didn’t feel like they were the only one. I wish you all peace and serenity.
Melody, I am crying as I read your story. God bless you, honey. I have had some issues the past decade with my husband’s health too. We are devoted to each other, but it has not been easy at all. He is still loving and kind to me; that hasn’t changed, but he may never been “gainfully employed” again. I fear that I won’t either, at this point. I am struggling with depression and self-worth and I have not felt this lost since I was a teenager. I signed up for the January online class, and I only hope it can help me.
Thanks for your bravery and honesty.
Blessings
I can only say Thank You for sharing this. It has touched me deeply and is so inspiring. I really have no words. Blessing of Joy and Peace to you and your family.
Love and Light,
Seanora
I unfortunately have an insight into what you have gone through. You are truly inspiring. What you did IS against ALL the odds. To be who you are and to share this so openly with others is amazing, and I personally thank you for it!
Melody,
A dear friend forwarded your story to me with the intention of giving me some hope within my own situation.My husband didnt have an accident or a severe brain injury but I think sometimes people are hit with their own demons,doubts,fear,anger at some point in their forties for whatever reason and retreat within themselves-or lash out- in similar ways. That is what is happening to my husband.It happened gradually and picked up speed over the past few years-much like a snowball gaining momentum rolling down a hill.He has been lost emotionally and has been lashing out at me and our two sons (20/15).
God is good, He has guided me but only when I let Him, He has comforted me in my darkest moments.He gave me strength to set my boundaries as much as it scared the crap out of me to be alone if my husband of twenty years decided to follow through with the nasty,vile,mean things he said he would do.
I broke free from my own insecurities of being alone and tapped back into the woman I knew God had helped me become through all the womens retreats, talks with my Godly sisters. He was pushing me to be strong and to TRUST.
God bless you for having such courage and love for your husband and trusting.
I feel such intense love for my husband and I have always stood by him, even when EVERYONE suggested I leave him- and fast!
I want to go to Brave Girls Camp! never heard of it, I would love any info you can give me!
much love and hugs to such a brave girl 🙂
Annelise
Thank You for sharing this story! It truely inspired me.
I can only imagine what those years were like for you and your family. I have been through some years of hell, but not for the same reason. I am so happy for you all and I agree that it is a miracle. Reading your story helps me today when I am so discouraged about the problems we are having. Thank God for people like you who are willing to share honest feelings. I hope to meet you some day and attend Brave Girls Camp.
Thank you so much for posting such a hard thing to tell other people. We all tend to keep our dirty little secrets to ourselves, but if we let them out, we are free and someone else will be blessed and uplifted too.
I’m so glad I have found your blog. I pass it along to everyone I know.
I am so happy to have read this story. Thank you for open your heart and pouring out truth. It made me ache and cry, but it is the truth and it matters. Thank you. I am elated to hear your family is doing great. Hugs.
Melody, your gift is not only your STRENGTH and BRAVERY, but you ability to convey your experience through your words in such a moving and inspiring fashion! Thank you for sharing this painful, private experience. When I first read about your wonderful husband Marq it reminded me of other women I know who have amazing men in their lives and I have often wondered how to find a man like that. I see now that it’s not only the men but the amazing WOMEN who live with them that make one wonderful relationship so special. This is something that I have worked on (rather unsuccessfully) for most of my 55 yrs. of life. With your inspiration, Melody, I plan to uncover the kind of woman who deserves a special man like yours.
peace and blessings to you and your family. that’s all i can say because i am crying right now and feeling a heart full of love for my own husband right now. ((HUG)) to you!!
I never tire of hearing that story…because it IS a miracle and because you’re in such a better place for having gone through it. You stayed the course then and you’re doing it now and I couldn’t be more excited to see what Brave Girl Nation ends up looking like.
I just love you two so much!!! and am so proud to have participated in what I think could be the miracle that heals thousands of women.
oxoxox
Lara
thanks mel…i just love YOU…and marq. you two are a MIRACLE and GOD does still work miracles. he did in my life as well. i think it is very BRAVE and wonderful that you share your story with us. i look up to and admire you oh soooo very much.
xo
chrissy
Wow! Your story is such an inspiration…thank you for sharing! I know so many people who’ve given up on their marriages within the last year…so sad. I pray that God continues to bless you and Marq and your beautiful family.
Wow- I’ve wanted to write a little something for a while to just let you all know what a miracle Brave Girl Club has been to me, such a serendipitous discovery, my little bit of AWSOME e-mailed to me every day. So beautiful, so positive, so inspiring, so exactly what I needed at this very moment in my life…..and I didn’t even know what a true miracle BGC really is. With everything you’ve been through you can still be a hand in the dark to someone you don’t and may never know. Thank you for all you do. YOU are so appreciated and so LOVED!
I loved reading your story. God worked similar miracles in our life, early in our marriage. I posted our story back in April of this year, for our 24th anniversary! It is truly by God’s grace and protection that we made it too. Thank you so much for sharing your story 🙂
Blessings,
Marcia
Our marriage is one in which my husband has a TBI…after being shot in the head in 1993. It can be a lonely place…you are the first person I have “met” who knows what it is like to live with someone with a TBI. Never heard of Brave Girls Club until today….entered to win a place in your online class. Your retreats sound amazing. I wish you blessings…unfortunately, we walk on a similiar path…one with many landmines…..
I remember reading this story when it was originally posted and it was very touching, but reading it again today has more meaning because, although it may not be to the extent, I was the “marq” in our marriage. I let drinking make me into a person who was not me…I had some of the same conversations about love in our relationship, or the lack of. You are one strong, amazing person and I believe that my husband is the same. Against all odds (getting married at 17 with a baby on the way), we have made it over 16 years together….and I am back..WE are back! 🙂
What a wonderful love story. Not all “lovely” but shows the true meaning of love. You’re a beautiful couple-inside and out. Thank you for sharing your story again. As a new member it’s the first time I’ve heard it.
I have never had to survive the trials you have, but my own anyway. And in 2011 I will celebrate my 20 year anniversary. That in itself is a miracle, with so many people willing to give it all up because of simple day to day “trials” So congrats to you and me and everyone else who didn’t give up and walk away!
God had a plan for me to find this tonight of all nights. I lost my Marvin after only a year of battling Mesothelioma. I had that year of hell watching him become a man I didn’t know. He would get mean,ugly and verbally push me away and then realize what he had done sometime later. He would come to me and tell me he was sorry and hw much he loved me. He just didn’t want to die and leave me alone. I am touched at how your love,faith and prayers kept you,your family and Marq together through the hardest days of your lives. That is all that got me through our journey until his passing. I know struggle with alone and who I am without my Marvin. Thank you for sharing your amazing love story !! hugs… Kristy