Sometimes we have to let go of things that we love very much…things we may have thought we needed to be able to become the person we were meant to become. Then when that thing is gone…we are left wondering how we will ever become what we were meant to become without it.

Letting go of something that you love always hurts. That is ok. It doesn’t have to hurt forever, though.

everything changes

I once had a dream about the pink blossoms that were covering a tree right outside my window as I slept…blossoms I had been waiting all winter for. I had gotten used to those blossoms and after many long and cold months…they were like a reward for enduring that season in my life. Things were very very difficult and there was tremendous uncertainty, pain and confusion in just about every direction. Everything in my life felt like Winter…cold and lifeless, leafless.  I fell deeply in love with those thousands of pink petals…so it was no surprise that they showed up in a dream.

The dream started out beautiful and serene…then quickly became traumatic. In the dream, as I was sitting and enjoying the blossoms (which remember, were my reward for making it through) a breeze came up and started blowing the blossoms right off of the tree, sprinkling the grass with pink petals.

I was horrified and angered. So……I did what I often do….and I ran inside to find something to fix it. I got a bottle of super glue…and I frantically ran around the yard picking up every single blossom I could find and climbed a ladder and raced to glue them back on to the tree. Of course…as I was gluing…..the wind was blowing off more blossoms. And….the buds underneath were pushing off the petals I glued on. So…I just sat in a heap in the lawn and sobbed……because it all felt so devastating and unfair…I mean, those blossoms were only there for a few days and now they are gone already????

control glue

I held on tight to the control glue.

Then I woke up. And I was still crying because everything in my life felt that way. I was trying desperately to hold on to everything in my life and fix everything that was falling apart, and it all felt so personal and futile. All I wanted was for the blossoms to stay forever….was that so much to ask?

let it go

It is too much to ask…. because life is constantly asking us to let go so that we can all become exactly what and who we are meant to become next.

Sometimes it hurts beyond belief. Very rarely does it feel fair, or easy or right. We resist letting go, we make deals…..we cry and beg. We build fantasies around things being the way we want them to be and sometimes we just keep pretending that things are alive that died long ago. We glue dead things back on instead of letting them go on to be what they are meant to be next.

Those blossoms that fall off of that tree every year disintegrate into the ground to feed the tree for it’s next stage. They have a purpose all the way along……they are becoming what they are meant to become next.

When we have to let go of stages of our life…or relationships….or dreams that have run past their due date or are just outdated in general…..we have to let go of things that are meant to become something else, which means they are not in our life the way they always have been….it hurts.

And why does it hurt? It hurts because we want it to be what WE want it to be. We want it to be different than it is. It hurts because we make plans and we want everything to live up to the potential that WE had in mind. It hurts because it feels like we must have done something wrong to have things not turn out the way we wanted them to….when the only thing we did wrong was have an expectation that was so rigid that it is impossible to see things any other way and still be happy. Sometimes when we just let go of an expectation, our eyes are open to see that things are actually already better than the way we planned….and it was right in front of our eyes all along.

Everything good and natural is always on it’s way to somewhere else. Everything is always becoming what it is meant to become next. When we resist this…we suffer so much. When we accept it…we find peace. We may not have happiness when we have to let go of something we love very much, but we can always find peace in it when we let things be what they are instead of what we want them to be…when we let things become what they are meant to become instead of what we want them to become.

And sometimes for things to become what they are supposed to become next, we have to accept that we will not be a part of that in the way we want to be a part of that. Sometimes for OURSELVES to become what WE are supposed to become next….we have to let go of things that we thought would be part of that becoming, but are not meant to be. We have to let go of things we love very much.

It hurts to let go of things that we love…things that were part of our big plan. It just does.

let life be

It hurts to say goodbye to relationships, marriages, children, jobs, dreams….it hurts to let go of crazy beliefs even….because they have been a part of us for so long. It hurts to let go of ANYTHING that seems like it is part of our identity…or part of our joy….or part of our place in the world. It is scary, confusing and difficult.

….but it has to happen, dear friends. It just does. Everything is always becoming something else….all the time. Sometimes we get to do that together, and sometimes we have to do that apart. Sometimes we get to take all of the stuff we love with it, and sometimes we have to let all of it go. Sometimes it turns out the way we planned…and sometimes it doesn’t. We have to let it go.

Over the last 6 months, as my health declined…I had many more lessons from trees. My favorite grandmother trees sit in a row of 3, and one night early this summer…one of them split in half and fell to the ground…right on top of the chicken coop. It is a majestic huge tree and it is a big part of our life…..so much happens in our family under the shade of those trees. She was just done holding up so much weight one day….and she let it go. I sobbed for the better part of a day, and shed lots of tears after.

fallen grandmother tree

I decided to plant a bunch of daisies that day to honor her life and also to comfort my own self with adding more life in place of such a big death.

It was such a message about things going when it’s time to go. She became firewood…..my next favorite thing is a campfire. I wish she was still a tree….but now she’s a campfire. Her ashes will go out into the garden where the daisies are planted…and soon that majestic tree will nourish a daisy plant. Isn’t that a miracle?

planting daisies 1 planting daisies 2

After that majestic tree fell, believe it or not….4 more trees on our ranch did the same thing. This has never happened before. 2 of them were covered with fruit and I was so sad that they didn’t even get the chance for their fruit to ripen. Another big tree in the field split and fell over…and then a brand newly planted tree snapped right in half in a windstorm.

fallen apple tree

fallen apricot tree

 

 

Every one of those 5 trees this year still kept the half that didn’t fall off. AND….that is where I am at now too. I have had to let go of SO MANY THINGS THAT WERE PART OF ME just so that the rest of me could stay alive. Now, I have a big scar where all of that fell off…..but also, I am getting stronger because all of my energy and nourishment is now going to what is left of me….and soon you won’t even be able to tell that anything snapped off. Just like the trees

broken tree

So….sometimes the things we have to let go of are things that we thought were so much a part of us that if they snapped off, we would surely die. But sometimes those things just get too heavy, and we can’t survive unless we let them go.

So…..this is a whole lot of letting go.

And….of course I turned the whole thing into an online course…so if this is where you are in your life, I hope you will check it out….it’s not a long course, but it’s an important course and I would sure love to have you…..either way, I hope that you will let yourself let go when it is time to let go. CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT or just go here.. http://my.bravegirlsclub.com/soul-school-registration/

cover sheet big wide oak tree collaged

Because you matter….and carrying around dead things is no way to live.
You are beloved. SO am I…we all are. That is why I know it is going to be okay…no matter what we have to let go of.

xoxox

melody